Movie Review: Bodyguards and Assassins

Donnie Yen vs. horse

This is a late movie review. Since most people have already watched this movie, I will convey about my expectation and disappointment instead of the typical run-of-the-mill, almost spoilers-free movie review that I typically write.

This movie is about Donnie Yen. It stars Donnie Yen as Donnie Yen doing what Donnie Yen does best. Yup, I am watching this movie purely to watch Donnie Yen fighting. The rest of the movie is just fluffs.

Donnie Yen is about to kick ass

There is a side plot about some politician called Dr Sun Yat-sen that needs protection from assassins. Apparently, this plot is based on historical event; an historical event so significant that there was no mention of Dr Sun visiting Hong Kong in 1906 on Wikipedia. He did visit Singapore sometime around that era but then again, there is no Donnie Yen in Singapore, so we'll be missing the point of this movie.

Anyway, Dr Sun was planning to overthrown the Qing Dynasty in China and plans to visit Hong Kong to sign an agreement for the 1911 Revolution. Therefore, the royal house of China have no choice but to sent 1000 Chinese ninjas dressed in black to kill Dr Sun in broad daylight. Somehow, the good guys in Hong Kong, newspaper editor Tony Leung Ka Fai and Kuomintang general Li Yutang got news of this not-so-subtle information in 4 days prior to Dr Sun arrival. They decided to hire the best martial artist of that China can offer to combat the ninjas.

The 4 days prior to Dr Sun's visit is used to recruit 4 martial artists. Firstly, we are introduced to Donnie Yen as Donnie Yen, a righteous policeman cum martial artist that happened to be passing along. Next is Leon Lai, a wandering beggar cum iron-fan martial artist that happened to be passing along. Then, there is Yao Ming, an NBA basketball player cum Shaolin martial artist that happen to be passing by. Lastly, there is Supergirl (yes, that is her name), a superstar singer cum Chinese Opera martial artist that just happened to be in Hong Kong visiting her father at that time.

 The periodic sets and costumes are beautiful

The first 2 hours of the film is, pretty much, high drama designed to tug your heart. The periodic dresses and 1906 sets of Hong Kong were beautifully directed. This movie cost RMB 150 million, so you could probably guess where all the money was spend on. However, the first 2 hours also talked about things such a democracy, equality, and freedom of speech which I don't think anyone in modern China can related to.

Thankfully, the last 1 hour contain the typical action fest.

Donnie Yen personally took out 500 ninja assassins; Leon Lai took out 300; Yao Ming and Supergirl each 100 assassins. In between, there was a minor cameo by Eric Tsang leading a bunch of horsed policemen who took out about 50 assassins. The fight scenes were energetic and entertaining.

As a minor note, Donnie Yen actually have two roles in this movie. He starred as the super efficient policeman martial artist Donnie Yen and some down-on-his-luck loser gambler who banged Fan Bingbing and fathered her child. There was a lot of confusion in the beginning but I figure that those two roles were separated. Donnie Yen doesn't need drama to sell his movie.

Supergirl in action

There was a twist in the ending. In the end of all those good-old-brainless fight scenes, Teddy Chen, the director of this movie, decided to go Shakespeareans. This means everyone dies. Well, everyone expect for those who historically lived longer (Tony Leung and Li Yutang). So, Donnie Yen, Leon Lai, Yao Ming, and Supergirl were killed off in their own individual fight scene together with the assassins. The only bad guy left when all the martial artists were gone was Yan Xiaoguo, the assassin big bad, who proceed to kill off the rest of the cast in accord with the rules of tragedy. Yan Xiaoguo himself was later killed off by Tony Leung ... with a gun.

As a conclusion to this review, I find that fight scenes to be good and well choreographed. The rest of the movie contains too much tears-shedding drama resulted from high improbable tragedies. My feedback to the director of this movie is less fake drama and more physic defying fight scene.

Movie Review: Avatar

This movie is 99.9% CGI. It puts all other CGI-laden movies to shame. Every moment of this movie looked surreal and awesome. The quality of the special effect is amazingly well done. The special effects were highly detailed and are the best that I have seen so far.

 This is what World of Warcraft looks like 150 years from now

The movie lasted for 3 hours. Imagine that, three hours of freakin CGI porn. Further, the native blue cat people are topless (tastefully concealed most of the time). It's a freakin long movie with freakin naked CGI blue cat people!

 Thunder, thunder, Thundercats!

This is not a Pixar animation. Sure, Pixar animations have occasionally jokes for adults and some adult theme. However, Avatar is totally different. There are no kiddy elements in this movie. You kids might like the CGI, but that's it. Everything else is adult theme. People have sex and die.

  Our mission is to nuke their internet

Story wise, there is nothing to short about. It was Pocahontas meets Dances with Wolves. White American guy comes to New World, white guy befriends native, white guys accepted as one of the natives, white guy falls in love with native princess, white guy betrays own race, and white guys fights against white race.

 I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

Still, James Cameroon (that's the director of this movie) doesn't disappoint. There were bucket loads of details and James Cameroon style of action and romance. There was no dull moment. Everything scene was beautifully directed.

 This mount costs 1000G

The conclusion is that this is a satisfying movie. Best and longest CGI in the town. This movie is recommended for watching.

Movie Review: Zombieland

Most people would just think that this is a funny zombie movie; but it isn't. No, this movie is a deconstruction of the zombie-genre. Some people don't just get it.

Firstly, there is no plot at all. This movie does not examine the horrors of living in a zombie invested world, the harsh struggle for survival, or the socio-political revolution that needs to takes place in a devastated civilization. Nope, our protagonists happened to be layman in the street whose purpose seems to be kill zombie to pass their time away.

The first protagonist, college student Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) is a genre-savvy person who made up all these rules about how to survive in a zombie apocalypse. These rules, which the distillation of knowledge passed down from countless of zombie movies and games, are:

  

#1 – Cardio

Only the fit survives. Fat people are the first to go down.

#2 – The Double Tap

Always shoot twice to make sure that the zombie is dead.

#3 – Beware of Bathrooms

Bathrooms are places where you would be the most vulnerable. The zombies know this and so should you.

#4 – Seatbelts

Driving is hazardous in zombie land. You can crash at any time and be thrown out of your car if you didn't buckle up.

#7 – Travel Light

No further explanation needed.

#17 – Don’t Be a Hero

This rule applies to just every scenario in real life unless you are a trained professional for those scenarios.

#18 – Limber Up

Always warm up before embarking into the unknown.

#22 – When In Doubt, Know Your Way Out

When in a building, know where the exit is before you embark further into that building.

#31 – Check the Back Seat

Zombies like to hide in the back seats.

Sadly, only two or three (cardio, double tap, and back seat) of the rules above where emphasized on regular basis. Still, those rules still provides a lot of funny moments around these rules.

The second protagonist, Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) provides much of the craziness of in this movie. Killing zombie is his business and business is good. Wrapping up the cast is Wichita (Emma Stone) who provide the love interest of Columbus and her sister, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin).

The movie was short (around 81 minutes) but pleasant to watch. There were a few scary moment (after all this is a zombie movie). Recommended for watching is you have nothing else to do.

This Movie Rocks: Star Trek

Yup guys, go and see this movie. It rocks. Period.

Six Scenes I Remember From This Movie
1. Kirk beats Kobayashi Maru test
While eating an apple, of course.

2. Kirk mets Spock for the first time
"I have the right to face my accuser"

3. How the Red Shirt died
Poor Olson didn't make it. The funny thing was, it was a red pressure suit.

4. John Cho kicks asses (and saves Kirk)
The Asian guys from Harold and Kumar knows how to sword-fight and pilot star ships. How cool is that? Plus, he saves Kirk's ass.

5. Uhura's First Name
Guess who reveal Uhura's first name. Hint: her boyfriend.

6. Kirk and Spock's gun fight with Romulans
In the final battle, only Kirk and Spock gets beam into the enemy ship.

There are tones of other cool scene like all those ship fights and special effects. This is the best Star Trek movie yet.